took a photo, but it didn't turn out well, so i wrote it down:
Do not exist - live
Do not touch - feel
Do not look - observe
Do not read - absorb
Do not hear - listen
Do not listen - understand
Do not think - ponder
Do not talk - say something!
=)
i liked it
hope you do, too
Monday, February 15, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Viet school is a boring and pointless waste of time
so i decided to use that time somewhat wisely.
here are my jottings down for the day.
be glad i'm actually taking the time to transcribe these for you to read. usually, i'd just put the paper into one of my many writing notebooks, forget about it, and find it again a few years later. so i'm doing this for YOUR benefit
only cause i've never done it before =)
my writing is always spontaneous, and rarely ever do i re-write stuff, or reproduce it. and also because i'm not so cool with people reading my ponderous passages. so once in a life time chance. here it is:
There's a big world out there, and I am going to be part of it. No more hanging around, hiding away and wasting time that I'm never getting back. No more pretending that I'm satisfied with this life. Because I'm not. I want to leave an impression on this world' not just feed off its resources, but be the supplier for the rest of the world.
Look, I'm sorry that I don't/can't live up to your expectations. But quite frankly, this is who I am and if you can't take me, leave. This is all you're ever going to get - all I've got to give
The only thing that's keeping me going is the knowledge that someone, somewhere in this world, accepts me and is grateful for who I am and what I have to offer. Even if you don't. No matter how much you hurt me, even you can't break my spirit. I'll always be me, regardless of what you try to change.
Resonance
Repercussion
Resilient
Undying hope. Unrelenting resilience. A faith that is never tarnished. A hope that can't be lost. And a spirit that shall never be broken.
the end =)
oh and also
quote for today: (i was reading during viet school...i'm an expert at reading with the book hidden under the desk without looking suspicious (from many years' practice, of course) and i found this quote. perfect timing, right?)
"Monica is right. There is a big world out there. And I'm going to be part of it. I'm going to paint, I'm going to hink, I'm going to try everything, say whatever I like, I'm going to...go places. I'm going to live"
page 61 of "Chain of Hearts" by Maureen McCarthy. Published in 1999
probably one of the greatest authors to ever live
oh, she's probably still alive
but one of the greatest authors to have published
certainly one of MY favourite authors
but i suppose that's all i have to write today.
one last thing:
i am a mess
a mess of the repercussions of this whole UN interview stress thing
a mess of the repercussions of what's happened so incredibly rapidly over the past month
a mess because of all the MATHS HOMEWORK i have to bring myself to face
a mess because of all the time i HAVEN'T spent with the people i love
and a mess
because i'm simply too goddam lovable. and awesome.
disregard the last one =)
but oh well
i shall fix myself
only if you fix yourself.
deal?
oh, don't give me that look. i KNOW there's something wrong
something's keeping you up at night
and not allowing you to be COMPLETELY happy
nobody's that carefree
unless you're under the age of 5 =)
and even then, you're scared of the dark
the biggest human weakness: fear
i must say, i was more scared of this interview than i've ever been of anything else
but the worst part of it?
the worst part of it is after the interview
the repercussions
the realisation of "oh shit. i've done it. i can't change anything i've said"
and believe me, there is a LOT i wish i had said instead of what i DID say
and...i know it's too late now
but this is going to be bothering me for a LONG time
so i intend to distract myself as much as possible
loading up the work
filling up my plate
and taking the hugest bite in the history of the universe
i can take it
=)
and because i can take it, it shall take my mind off things
oh, even better
if i CAN'T take it
then i'll worry about that instead =)
but only 1320 hours to go until they tell me the results!
or...something like that :D
i promise i'll stop counting the hours soon, once i can't be bothered anymore
but I DO know that it'll be around 55 days til then
so.
that's the last time i'm goign to mention that
so
i'm going to go do my work now. i have lots to do! and so little time, as they always say
(but really, i have LOTS of time...sigh.i wish i were doing IB)
yep thta's right
can't believe i said that
but seriously, i DO wish i was doing IB
it'd certainly take my mind off things!
and
also
i want a job
and
and
I WISH I WAS STUDYING HUMANITIES INSTEAD OF SCIENCES!!!!!!!!
ugh i hate myself for taking so long to realise this
and gosh. when i saw the viet school tutoring sheet
how it had "english" as an option
i was exceited!
but...turns out they are only smart enuogh to tutor up to year 10
stupid people :@
and sigh. i guess i'll have to work by myself for now
tutor myself.
gosh.
=)
i might write more later
here are my jottings down for the day.
be glad i'm actually taking the time to transcribe these for you to read. usually, i'd just put the paper into one of my many writing notebooks, forget about it, and find it again a few years later. so i'm doing this for YOUR benefit
only cause i've never done it before =)
my writing is always spontaneous, and rarely ever do i re-write stuff, or reproduce it. and also because i'm not so cool with people reading my ponderous passages. so once in a life time chance. here it is:
There's a big world out there, and I am going to be part of it. No more hanging around, hiding away and wasting time that I'm never getting back. No more pretending that I'm satisfied with this life. Because I'm not. I want to leave an impression on this world' not just feed off its resources, but be the supplier for the rest of the world.
Look, I'm sorry that I don't/can't live up to your expectations. But quite frankly, this is who I am and if you can't take me, leave. This is all you're ever going to get - all I've got to give
The only thing that's keeping me going is the knowledge that someone, somewhere in this world, accepts me and is grateful for who I am and what I have to offer. Even if you don't. No matter how much you hurt me, even you can't break my spirit. I'll always be me, regardless of what you try to change.
Resonance
Repercussion
Resilient
Undying hope. Unrelenting resilience. A faith that is never tarnished. A hope that can't be lost. And a spirit that shall never be broken.
the end =)
oh and also
quote for today: (i was reading during viet school...i'm an expert at reading with the book hidden under the desk without looking suspicious (from many years' practice, of course) and i found this quote. perfect timing, right?)
"Monica is right. There is a big world out there. And I'm going to be part of it. I'm going to paint, I'm going to hink, I'm going to try everything, say whatever I like, I'm going to...go places. I'm going to live"
page 61 of "Chain of Hearts" by Maureen McCarthy. Published in 1999
probably one of the greatest authors to ever live
oh, she's probably still alive
but one of the greatest authors to have published
certainly one of MY favourite authors
but i suppose that's all i have to write today.
one last thing:
i am a mess
a mess of the repercussions of this whole UN interview stress thing
a mess of the repercussions of what's happened so incredibly rapidly over the past month
a mess because of all the MATHS HOMEWORK i have to bring myself to face
a mess because of all the time i HAVEN'T spent with the people i love
and a mess
because i'm simply too goddam lovable. and awesome.
disregard the last one =)
but oh well
i shall fix myself
only if you fix yourself.
deal?
oh, don't give me that look. i KNOW there's something wrong
something's keeping you up at night
and not allowing you to be COMPLETELY happy
nobody's that carefree
unless you're under the age of 5 =)
and even then, you're scared of the dark
the biggest human weakness: fear
i must say, i was more scared of this interview than i've ever been of anything else
but the worst part of it?
the worst part of it is after the interview
the repercussions
the realisation of "oh shit. i've done it. i can't change anything i've said"
and believe me, there is a LOT i wish i had said instead of what i DID say
and...i know it's too late now
but this is going to be bothering me for a LONG time
so i intend to distract myself as much as possible
loading up the work
filling up my plate
and taking the hugest bite in the history of the universe
i can take it
=)
and because i can take it, it shall take my mind off things
oh, even better
if i CAN'T take it
then i'll worry about that instead =)
but only 1320 hours to go until they tell me the results!
or...something like that :D
i promise i'll stop counting the hours soon, once i can't be bothered anymore
but I DO know that it'll be around 55 days til then
so.
that's the last time i'm goign to mention that
so
i'm going to go do my work now. i have lots to do! and so little time, as they always say
(but really, i have LOTS of time...sigh.i wish i were doing IB)
yep thta's right
can't believe i said that
but seriously, i DO wish i was doing IB
it'd certainly take my mind off things!
and
also
i want a job
and
and
I WISH I WAS STUDYING HUMANITIES INSTEAD OF SCIENCES!!!!!!!!
ugh i hate myself for taking so long to realise this
and gosh. when i saw the viet school tutoring sheet
how it had "english" as an option
i was exceited!
but...turns out they are only smart enuogh to tutor up to year 10
stupid people :@
and sigh. i guess i'll have to work by myself for now
tutor myself.
gosh.
=)
i might write more later
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