i really don't like her...

no i don't. i do NOT like her. well some of you may know who i'm talking about. well if yoiu don't. too bad. anyway
this blog is NOT going ot be a huge bitching session about that person. even thuogh i reall ydon't like her at all. but NO i'm NOT going to be mean.

i have not written anything for a very long time. (yes, for those who haven't noticed, 5 days without blogging is a long time for me)
the long we ekend was freaking long
i swear i thought it was like a holiday!
it went on and on and on and i spent most of it doing homework, sleeping and playing piano. damn stupid songs that are TOO GOOD FOR MEE.

anyway thought for the past...few weeks
alright so in the week leading up to Production Week (LOL capitalised..;)), a lot of things were unveiled, in terms of...well, secrets! A blog was posted. shock was ...felt(??!) all around. everyone read it. a blog was posted in reply. a letter was sent. or three. and a letter was sent in reply (freaking long on e too...) and there was anger
there was screaming
and shouting
and crying
and just
anger.
tension
awkwardness
despite all efforts to make it NOT awkward
there itw as
still there
stupid thing. stupid element. stupid EMOTION called awkwardness
stuipd stupid. ruins everything

oh yeah, there wsa some...avoiding of people
there was a fence!
there was soemone sitting on that fence, getting their ass hurted by the fence
because it's tough being in the middle

but this is not about what happened
it's about what changed because of this thing that happened
not about the actual event, more like the effects of the event
so much has changed because of this event
even though we really don't dwell on it, because it wasn't supposed to change anything (supposedly)
but yeah it did change a LOT
it changed everyhting, i guess
everything from the way we talked ot each other to the way we...acted, to the peopel we hung around
i dunno
just a lot of things have changed
and i don't know if i like this changed world

maybe everything should have jsut stayed the way it was...
but then, that's just not life, guys
ahh this is such a depressing blog
yoiu know whya mi talking about such stupid, depressing things?
i mean COME ON
IT"S OVERRRR

it's passed, righ t?
no need to mention anymore
but still, things changed
and i guess i want everything to go back to the way they we r ebefore
before all of this happened, before all of this changed

ah i have vowed to myself to WORK HARD!
ah yeah how many tinmes have i promised myself that, hey?
well THIS TIME IT"S FOR REAAAAAAAAAL!
and to work hard
im' going to just not get so easily distracted
and matt said that i'm actually taknig control of my luife
so thank you matt =)
and i'm so glad it's working
so now i'm going to work even harderer at my other stupid goals :D err
i mean, my other, many MULTIPLE MILLIONS of awesome goals that will come true if i w ork hard enough
...
so i'm goign tow rok now guys
homework to dooo =)

it's just routine

every morning, just before i open the front door
i take a deep breath
and think
bring it on world, today is going to be a good day

THEN i open the door
walk out
and there my day has officially begun; i have left my safe haven
and have entered the real world
well, the bigger world =)

and it doesn't always turn out to be a good day , because that's just impossible
wouldn't we all love it if every single day turned o ut to be a good day just because we said "today is going to be a good day" jsut before we started the day?
of course we would
we woudln't have a care in the world!

but that's just not reality, guys
it won't happen, no matter what
the chances of having a good day every single day are pretty low
unless you're extremely over-optimistic and think everything that happens is a good thing
but then i'd just say that you're living in an imaginary world
of your own
where it's just impossible to be so....optimistic

but the act of me telling myself that it's going to be a good day every day is a way of making sure that i wo'nt start off with a bad day
even though that somtimes just can't be stopped
and every time i take a deep breath
it's to brace myself
yes ,i must admit that i'm no angel
i have to brace myself
just like you humans
to take on the day
but i think that if you have the right attitude, the right way of thinking, you shoudl be able to conquer whatever life throws at you
and if you are lucky enough to have those a wesome people around you all the time, you are even better off than those optimistic kiddies.
because you have someone to fall back on. or more than one someone

"do not settle for the lowest apples on the tree. climb up a bit and reach for the apples right at the top. there they are the most delicious."
"and if i fall?"
*drops apple...and catches it*
"i will catch you..i feel such tenderness for you. it is hard to express. are we too old for words like love?"

no we are not!
yo ucoul dnever be =)

"and the old despair that was often there suddenly ceases to beeeee for you wake one day look around and say...somebody wonderful married me.."

aaha LOL

"there was a cabaret. there was a master of ceremonies. in a town called Berlin. in a country called Germany. it was the end. of. the. world."

btw, i loved philip's speech. awesome. LOL i could quote him aaaall day =)

"everything we did for the past 13 weeks related to "ze hottest spot in all of berlin-ze kit kat klub""

LOL
truly magnificent speech, Philip =)

but yes. sorry about the cabaret quotes. if there's a time and place, i'll quote. but no more for now.
it' just routine, this whole bracing myself and yeah.
it just is =)

SO!! WEETYR...??
;)
me. you. andy. talk.

so not it WASN'T the end

so guys. LOL
okay so i couldn't stay away =)
nah. just have something to say
because i've noticed that i've been reading (on average) one book per day
yeah guys.
like one big chunky suspenseful book per day
PER DAY.
that's like a lot
because i don't know why
mabe it's becuase i need to escape more
maybe it's because i need somewhere to go because reality just isn't as great as it could be, or as great as it has been before
hence i've been reading so much
but that contradicts what your last post says!
exclaims you...

ah i don't really know
maybe i wrote that post when i was going through a good spell
and now it's all just
mutual
not excellent
but not down there either
it's actually been pretty good
aaha i sound like...
bipolar-ed =)
but i'm not
i hope O_O
but anyway
i ought to go do hw now

what a crappy post
i'm sorry guys.

why am i apologising?
okay taking it back now.

LOL (by "hw" i mean going to read my book)