ch-ch-ch-challenge

it's hard.
in fact, it's a lot harder than i thought
or expected
you know, when i said to myself
im going to be just like jamie sullivan
and not care about what people think
what do you know
well, i think i was doing pretty well today
cause, well yeah i didn't do anything specifically for people to see me better
well, not that i am conscious of
and i resisted the urge to give in at the SRC meeting because i know that if i keep going against the grain i'm going to be hated
so..i don't really know what i ought to do
ebcause yet again this is another challenge
this is another challenge of my life
and i'm going to fight it
right?
well so why is it suddenly so hard?
because there are so many poeple agaisnt me
and there are so many things that i know that i WANT to do
but can't find the courage to do so
it's a chchcchhchchchCHALLENGE
dam nright
there are SO many things
that i want to do
the things that i wa nt to say to people
i plan everything out in my head
but i just can' t bring myself to do so
because yet a gain
i'm thinking about what people will say to me
what people will say ABOUT me
and i know that i'm trying to be like jamie sullivan =)
and not care about what htey say
but i just CAN"T
well
i can
i'm doing well
i think
but there are too many times in a day when i regret NOT asying something, or NOT doing something because i was scared of what people will say
and think
but
why
WHY can i not do it?
it's just anothe rblood mountain
that's all
that is ALL
so why can't i climb this one?
far out.
i guess that all i can do right now
is put one foot in front of the other
and
live to the full
so i don't go home every day regretting something
yeah yeah
i know
i KNOW
i've been meaning to live like this for so long
soo
why can't i DO IT?
freaking hell.
ugh i think i'm hating myself for being so weak
but i'm not going to say that
because it's so...self..KILLING
idunno if that's how to say it
but it's like killing my own self esteem
i'm working on it
i need to get on top of my game
seriously
i need to play it the best way possible
on TOP of my game
my goal for this term: get back on top of my game
mastermind how i'm going to achieve everything thati want to.
that's a LOT of things that i want to achieve at the moment