What do you think about?

SO, what do you think abouT?
when you're bored
and tired
and you can't get to sleep
what thoughts creep into your mind?
what keeps you awake at night?
what keeps you awake during lessons?

have you ever wondered that?
have you ever looked at someone completely spaced out, 'off with the fairies' during a class and wonder, what the hell are they thinking about that's keeping them so occupied?

well, i wonder about that sometimes

and i shall answer this question first
because...noone else seems to be jumping out of their seats with ready answers

i think about the future
i think about the present
i think about the past

i think about what could be
i think about what should have happened
i think about how stupid i was to do something like...*fill in the blank*
i think about where else i could be
and what else i could be doing
i think about the book i'm currently reading
i think about how i want the characters to end up
i think about what could go wrong
whether it's in the book
or in my life
sometimes, i even think about whether i'm a good enough person
am i a bad person, then, if people don't like me?
if i'm too mean sometimes?
maybe so.

but there's nothing you can change about that, is there?
so it's november, guys!
NO vem ber
no VEM ber
no vem BER

aha
just in case you were wondering
i say 'no VEM ber'
not any of the other...variations

things i like to do in my spare time:
1. read
i love escaping
i love the prospect of entering someone's life because they feel the need to share it with you
an dknowing that you'll be privy to all of the characters' secrets
it's better than gossip, though because there's absolutely no wa y in which you can stuff any friendships up by telling people secrets. see, that's what stuffs up friendships and relationships. ugh, irrelevant. i love a good ending. a proper ending. even if it's a happy-ever-after ending
because at least i know that i'm leaving the characters and the world in a happy and satisfied state =)

2. writing
i love being able to express myself with words
i'm a word crafter, so i like to say
because i am able to craft everything
as long as i have words =)

3. singing loudly and off-key
makes me feel invincible

4. swimming
relaxing, focuses your mind while letting it wander
makes you feel physically GOOD
simply amazing.

5. making people laugh
i love having the power to make someone else's day
with a joke
a really corny pun
or just
making them smile cause of something i've done
making them feel good about something, usually themselves
we all have that power
just....do we all use it?
i make sure i do, as much as possible

6. sleeping
hey. even superheros deserve a rest =P

school's nearly over
year 10's nearly over

i don't want to let go
but i want to move forwards
...
so what do YOU think?

"there's nothing worse than cold eggs"

yes there are!
that's suc ha stupid line
i can think of many many things that are worse than cold eggs
i mean, at this point in time, i'd rather have cold eggs than anything else i have to do

stupid people
hate you all!

not you.
you're reading this
so cheer up while i tell you about my sorrows =)
i hate the people who are CAUSING the sorrows
although tuyen says "hate" is a really strong word
but, come to think of it, "hate" is the only emotion that humans are really sure of
correct?
i mean okay, opposite of hate = love
and everyone's going
"what's love?"
"how do you know you're in love?"

but when it comes to hate
everyone KNOWS what htey ahte
and what it feels like to hate
it's like
this bubbly feeling
inside you
but a BAD bubbly
because you know that if you succumb to the mounting anger
you'll explode
and so will the person who you're angry at

and everyone says how much they hate school
but me?
i love school :D
i really really do!

there's nothing better than going somewhere where i belong
where i fit in effortlessly
and just sit down
be surrounded by friends
and books
many many books
and
know that when i leave that day
i would have learnt something new-that my mind has been expanded in some way or another

for instance
on thursday
i learnt that you should never stand next to danielle when someone forgets her birthday
or "forgets" her birthday
because she screams loudly
and it hurts

on friday
i learnt how to draw quadratics in the form of y=(x-h) + k

yeah thats right.

betcha didn't learn something THAT great!
okay so it doesn't seem like the greatest thing to be learnt
but in a way, it's opened my mind!
every time i look at a quadratic function
it makes just that tiny bit more sense to me!
oh and i've come to notice that i don't know how to factorise
so i'm goign to go laern how to do that
yes yes. in my own time
why?
because i DO NOT intend to fall behind next year
and have to fall back on a tutor

because the only tutor i can think of atm is peter
and i really don't want to make him do my work
because that would be weird
"hey there friend! DO MY WORK"

ha.
hmmm O_O

i bought 2 new books yesterdya :D

well, actually mother bought them for me
but i'm not complaining :D

"it gives me great joy, ladies and gentlemen, to inform you that my grand total has reached 258 books!"

yay !

now all i need is one of those HUUUUGE ceiling to floor bookcases to fill up :D
that would be aweosme
because then i could fill my entire bedroom with them
and then i'd have my own beauty and the beast library

ah beauty and the beast

no comment on that on, dearies

i shoul dbe doing my essay
that is due on monday
and i haven't started yet
i'mglad i'm no t at viet school this year
for 2 reasons!

1. i would get about ahlf as much hw done
2. i might unintentionally hurt someone
badly

but that's besidees the point atm

shoudl do work

book launhc soon!
and only
...6 days to wait :D

cheer me up please!

okay so
cheer me up
c'mon
i'm WAITING!

gosh.

you know, this may sound really really corny
and most of you proabbly wouldn't understand
but i wish i lived closer ot church

why?
well because if i did
then i could just go and sit in there
jsut by myself
that's all i want

why? (dude you are ONE CURIOUS CHILD)
well because it's peaceful in there
it's quiet
it's calm
it's perfect

it's the only place where i know that i can be alone
and not be judged
alone being by myself with God
silence is good sometimes

but maybe i need some happy time :D
okay that sounded quite...odd
but i need a time when i can just relax
and scream
and ROAR
as loudly as i feel
wihtout anyone giving me weird looks

oh yeah
i'm th elittle girl who never cares aboutw hat other people think
riiiight
okay so well i'm about to stop caring abot what othe rpeople think
and just have fun
(pffft)

ah i think when i let my beautiful book go
when i left her at the publisher (yeah it's a girl. because i'ma girl)
i left with her my heart
:(
really depressing i know
but i put my herat and soul into that thing
that gorgeous thing
and now
she's gone
yeah yeah i'll get her back
but what am i supposed to do for the next 2 weeks without her?
i have no ...motivation to do work now
even thuogh it's just piling up
stupid work

i guess i ought to try and work now

oh i borrowd 6 books from the library today
that'd give me something to do =)

smile for me! (cause i won't be)

ecstasy

imdoneimdoneimdoneimdone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINISHED!!

REMEMBER THIS DAY, GUYS!!!

THE FIFTEENTH OF AUGUST

TWO THOUSAND AND NINE!!

FINISHED!!


EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It's my time. I will rise

challenge: find out where those lyrics are from
WITHOUT GOOGLING

aha
google-ing
googling

well tomorrow is D- day
oh btw why is it "D" day?
i mean...yeah
anyways
tomorrow is a big day
and
that's really all i have to say on the topic of tomorrow

don't even know why i started this entry
maybe because there's something worth talking about
it's just
not on the surface =)
so it may take a bit of babbling to find

....

have you ever
ever
ever
(aha danielle...hatchet)
ever felt that you nee dto say soemthing
BUT YOU JUST CAN'T FIND IT??!

yeah well
ha.

next year's musical is Beauty and the Beast
should be freaking awesome

you know whati want to do guys?
i want
to
have a
...
DAY

okay that sounded sutpid
let me start again

so i have this idea, guys
and i think most of you (andy...weetyr...jack)
have heard it before
but i 'm going to say it again
for the benefit of those who have not yet heard this idea
which, by the way
i think is a pretty brilliant one
that we should all just
come to my house
and clear out the shed
and
JAM
=)

yeah i know right.
brilliance to the max =P
but no seriously
we should do it
it would be awesome
we'd wake up the neighbours and everything
(evne though it'll be in the middle of the day...)
but it'd be awesome

like
me with my keyboarding
and jack with his boom boom boom bass
and weetyr on bang bang BANG drums
andy...toot toot? sax :D
danielle
falling over everything
katrina'd need a mic
aah and we need
i think that's it?
that's freaking awesome
but yeah
just a
thought of mine

nothing too odd

um i need to...do soemthing
but i don't remember what
ugh
book
*daggerrrr*
need to get it DONE
but i'm up to editing stage
so it should be easy
ish

gillies said it was awesome
for year 10 level
he said it was brilliant
so did dama
SO THERE TO ALL THSOE WHO DIDN"T THINK I"D BE ABLE TO DO IT!!
(ie dama..lol)

IN YOUR STUPID FAT UGLY FACES!
that ought to teach you to NOT believe in me
gosh.

you know, i'm sure i'm capable of a lot of things
you just dont give me the room i need to show to stretch out and see what i can do
i mean
this whole
NO YOU CAN"T
you might fail
and make a fool of yourself
thing
is just NOT GOOD
i mean, how am i supposed to know if i'm capable of being a 14 year old published author with this hugely successful bestseller
that even YOU like
when you don't even let me try?
you think i ought to be locke dup
and NOT shared with the world

gosh.

yeah that g oes for all of you.
ALLLL of you
every single person out there
who has ever doubted my ability
yeah that's everyone
don't worry
everyone dose it
so yuo're not alone ine ver thinking tha ti'm not good enough
don't feel too bad

hey you knoww aht?
danielle?
i COULD make my sci-fi short story into a hugely popular BESTSELLER NOVEL?!
an dyou coudl star in it :D
of course, with your drool =)
aha...

ah this is really really
O_O

you knwo sometimes i just wish i could just
like
(aha i'm talking so...horribly toady)
BANG BANG BANG
and then everything would be perfect
hmm although some of those bangs include killing people
BUT i'm not going to do that
because that'd be very ver y horrible
and mean
and just
plain awful

i miss van O_O
and andy
but he's coming home tomorrow
so that doesn't really count
but van's not coming back for a while...
hmmm

and oddl yenough
i miss weetyr!
i know
i see him 5 days a week
yet
he's just so
...
not there anymore
it's like some alien's inhabited his body
and
he's not there anymore
YOU SUTPID ALIENS! GIVE ME BACK MY FRIEND!!!
yeah i'm sure we al lagree
that we want the old weetyr back
=) weetyr man
you're changing
just ask the girl and let the misery be over with
gosh
i'm sure that once youv'e asked her
you'll sotp losing sleep over it
and you won't be as tired anymore
and you might even be able to spend TIME WITH YOUR FRIENDS!!!

and you know who else i miss?
i miss...
i miss jamie sullivan

i miss leslie burke

i miss hermione granger

i miss (NO I DO NOT MISS EDWARD CULLEN. GOSH! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM??!) Alice Cullen

I miss Wanda

see i miss a lot of people

and don't say they're just fictional
because they're NOT
in my world, they're real
so there.
i just miss having the time to go visit them in THEIR worlds
it's so disappointing when you go to bed knowing that you've missed the opportunity to go and meet up with so many friends
because you just haven't got the TIME
you know
i might go and visit William Beech
he's my friend at the moment
i've been in his world for about a day now
and i'm almost done with his book
already

you know i wish that
every time i went to bed
i went to bed thinking
'Yes...i've accomplished everything i wanted to today'
BUT
yu know, it's never going to happen
because there's so much i want to do
and i should stop sitting on my ass typing this
AND GO AND DO IT!!

first on my list
is:
go for a visit with William Beech and Mister Tom

aha wonder if you can guess where each of those characters come from?
be surprised if you could =)

without googling please
>__>
you know, (one last thing)
i reallky don't like it when i challenge people to find out where lyrics are from, or book characters
they just go google it
and are like
YEAH I KNOW THAT!
because they really don't
so don't try that crap with me
either you know it
or you don't
that's life.

. <--i smashed the key on my keyboard to show the finality of it. SO THERE.

we are all entitled to secrets of our own

a girl's deepest secret is her greatest strength.....


or her worst enemy

published author at age 14

'I'll see you tomorrow....okay?'
'yeah. Okay..'

*clunk*

Is that true? Will you really see me tomorrow? Will you look into my eyes and see the real me?
Or will you be staring at my face and seeing the person you wish i were?
I'm who i am; not even you can change who i am

It's me. Take it or leave it. It's all i've got to give. It's all i can give to you...

25-07-09

a twist of fate

well what do you know?
i'm back again...
and i really don't know why
but i guess i was reading Tuyen's blog (which is amazingly better than mine because i really do not like computers...i fail at them) and then started realising that...i haven't blogged in much too long

so here i am

(here i am, once again. I'm torn into pieces can't deny it, can't pretend. just thought you were the one...broke up deep inside. but you won't get to see the tears i cried)

well, i'm not sure what to say
i miss andy O_O
i know, how weird, right?
but i know for a fact
that jack and weetyr
and danielle
and tessa
and katrina
and matt
are all cutting themselves up inside like me
because we all miss andy so much
who knew he was so...missable?

(if someone said three years from now...)

so song lyrics
yeah don't ask
because i'm going to tell you anyway
song lyrics
because well
music is my life
yeah yeah we all say that
because none of us can part with our ipods and stuff
but NO
music IS my life
really and truly
and sometimes it is much much easier to put what you want to say across through song
because there will always be a song
with the lyrics you want to use to say what you mean

and through some crazy, retarded twist of fate
i find myself
amongst others who also love music
i mean...opposites attract...(pfft)
but wahtever

i have officially finished the first draft
of my first ever
to be published book!
which, by the way, will be on sale soon =)

(aha yeah i wish :D)

you know what i've realsied? i have realised that the entire purpose of a blog
is to rant and rave about whateve ryou wish
and know that people are going to read it
in short, it's a way of bitching
in the most bitchiest way
because you know that you coudln't say it to their face
and you know that they're ging to read it (or are most likely to find it)
and so you just waoit for them to to find it!

damn...why oh why..?
so yes
my thoughts for the day
that's all
i dunno
this seems so incredibly lame now that i've been without it for so long
although i ought to stop
RIGHT NOW
and go do work
and KEEP DOING WORK
until i finish it all
(not likely to be any time soon)
but keep my 'head in them books and out of the clouds!' (sister act 2)
'but mama, did you even know i can sing?'
'there are a lot of people who can sing and they're down there on the streets singing their shoulda coulda wouldas now do you want to end up like that?'
'no mama...'

ha yeah that's right
do you even know i can sing?
no you wouldn't, right?
because she's not the type of person who can sing
sure all we need her for is playing the piano
she's the one who creates the music FOR the singer
no no she's NEVER the one who SINGS it alL!
ha you people underestimate me
don't worry, don't feel guilty
my parents don't believe in me either! =)
oh and neither does peter (most of the time)
or...lots of people
but yeah

my ears are constnatly ringing with the sound of people saying,
"don't bother trying, it's a waste of time!"
"you'll never make it"
"don't expect to win, because you really don't have much of a chance"
"don't you think you're taking on a bit much?"
"just give up now befor eyou fail epically"
"you're not hot but i still talk to you"

YEAH WELL IN YOUR FAT FACES!
yeah that was directed to ALL of you
everyone who has ever underestimated me
anyone who has ever said any of the above to me
nt just my paretns
but you know, it'd be great
to hear, just for once,
"go for it. i know you can do it."

how corny
now eveyrone who comes up to me and says that will have read this
and i will konw and be like
YOU DON"T REALLY MEAN THAT!
but it's okay
i won't bite your heads off
although you wouldn't expect me to, woudl you?
because i'm "not the type of person to do that"

gosh. stereotyping much?
hate y'all

i am increedibly tired
and should go do homework

but don't you sometimes just get sick of it alL?
not just
certain people
or certain things
but
just
ALL OF IT?
sometimes i wish it would all just go away
and never come back
or come back whe i'm ready to deal with it
but iguess
noone really has any control over that
bvecause...
might as well face things head on
because
you can't please everyone
and should sometimes just stick to makin gyourself happy because otherwise you'll unintentionally leave yourself to last
yes that was directed to you, Tuyen

this is complete rubbish
and the lowest of the low
the bitchiest of it all
the worst way to make people feel bad
but it had to be said
and i'm sorry
although i shoudln't say sorry too often
uit's so..
after a while it loses its meaning

but w hatever
more later maybe

i really don't like her...

no i don't. i do NOT like her. well some of you may know who i'm talking about. well if yoiu don't. too bad. anyway
this blog is NOT going ot be a huge bitching session about that person. even thuogh i reall ydon't like her at all. but NO i'm NOT going to be mean.

i have not written anything for a very long time. (yes, for those who haven't noticed, 5 days without blogging is a long time for me)
the long we ekend was freaking long
i swear i thought it was like a holiday!
it went on and on and on and i spent most of it doing homework, sleeping and playing piano. damn stupid songs that are TOO GOOD FOR MEE.

anyway thought for the past...few weeks
alright so in the week leading up to Production Week (LOL capitalised..;)), a lot of things were unveiled, in terms of...well, secrets! A blog was posted. shock was ...felt(??!) all around. everyone read it. a blog was posted in reply. a letter was sent. or three. and a letter was sent in reply (freaking long on e too...) and there was anger
there was screaming
and shouting
and crying
and just
anger.
tension
awkwardness
despite all efforts to make it NOT awkward
there itw as
still there
stupid thing. stupid element. stupid EMOTION called awkwardness
stuipd stupid. ruins everything

oh yeah, there wsa some...avoiding of people
there was a fence!
there was soemone sitting on that fence, getting their ass hurted by the fence
because it's tough being in the middle

but this is not about what happened
it's about what changed because of this thing that happened
not about the actual event, more like the effects of the event
so much has changed because of this event
even though we really don't dwell on it, because it wasn't supposed to change anything (supposedly)
but yeah it did change a LOT
it changed everyhting, i guess
everything from the way we talked ot each other to the way we...acted, to the peopel we hung around
i dunno
just a lot of things have changed
and i don't know if i like this changed world

maybe everything should have jsut stayed the way it was...
but then, that's just not life, guys
ahh this is such a depressing blog
yoiu know whya mi talking about such stupid, depressing things?
i mean COME ON
IT"S OVERRRR

it's passed, righ t?
no need to mention anymore
but still, things changed
and i guess i want everything to go back to the way they we r ebefore
before all of this happened, before all of this changed

ah i have vowed to myself to WORK HARD!
ah yeah how many tinmes have i promised myself that, hey?
well THIS TIME IT"S FOR REAAAAAAAAAL!
and to work hard
im' going to just not get so easily distracted
and matt said that i'm actually taknig control of my luife
so thank you matt =)
and i'm so glad it's working
so now i'm going to work even harderer at my other stupid goals :D err
i mean, my other, many MULTIPLE MILLIONS of awesome goals that will come true if i w ork hard enough
...
so i'm goign tow rok now guys
homework to dooo =)

it's just routine

every morning, just before i open the front door
i take a deep breath
and think
bring it on world, today is going to be a good day

THEN i open the door
walk out
and there my day has officially begun; i have left my safe haven
and have entered the real world
well, the bigger world =)

and it doesn't always turn out to be a good day , because that's just impossible
wouldn't we all love it if every single day turned o ut to be a good day just because we said "today is going to be a good day" jsut before we started the day?
of course we would
we woudln't have a care in the world!

but that's just not reality, guys
it won't happen, no matter what
the chances of having a good day every single day are pretty low
unless you're extremely over-optimistic and think everything that happens is a good thing
but then i'd just say that you're living in an imaginary world
of your own
where it's just impossible to be so....optimistic

but the act of me telling myself that it's going to be a good day every day is a way of making sure that i wo'nt start off with a bad day
even though that somtimes just can't be stopped
and every time i take a deep breath
it's to brace myself
yes ,i must admit that i'm no angel
i have to brace myself
just like you humans
to take on the day
but i think that if you have the right attitude, the right way of thinking, you shoudl be able to conquer whatever life throws at you
and if you are lucky enough to have those a wesome people around you all the time, you are even better off than those optimistic kiddies.
because you have someone to fall back on. or more than one someone

"do not settle for the lowest apples on the tree. climb up a bit and reach for the apples right at the top. there they are the most delicious."
"and if i fall?"
*drops apple...and catches it*
"i will catch you..i feel such tenderness for you. it is hard to express. are we too old for words like love?"

no we are not!
yo ucoul dnever be =)

"and the old despair that was often there suddenly ceases to beeeee for you wake one day look around and say...somebody wonderful married me.."

aaha LOL

"there was a cabaret. there was a master of ceremonies. in a town called Berlin. in a country called Germany. it was the end. of. the. world."

btw, i loved philip's speech. awesome. LOL i could quote him aaaall day =)

"everything we did for the past 13 weeks related to "ze hottest spot in all of berlin-ze kit kat klub""

LOL
truly magnificent speech, Philip =)

but yes. sorry about the cabaret quotes. if there's a time and place, i'll quote. but no more for now.
it' just routine, this whole bracing myself and yeah.
it just is =)

SO!! WEETYR...??
;)
me. you. andy. talk.

so not it WASN'T the end

so guys. LOL
okay so i couldn't stay away =)
nah. just have something to say
because i've noticed that i've been reading (on average) one book per day
yeah guys.
like one big chunky suspenseful book per day
PER DAY.
that's like a lot
because i don't know why
mabe it's becuase i need to escape more
maybe it's because i need somewhere to go because reality just isn't as great as it could be, or as great as it has been before
hence i've been reading so much
but that contradicts what your last post says!
exclaims you...

ah i don't really know
maybe i wrote that post when i was going through a good spell
and now it's all just
mutual
not excellent
but not down there either
it's actually been pretty good
aaha i sound like...
bipolar-ed =)
but i'm not
i hope O_O
but anyway
i ought to go do hw now

what a crappy post
i'm sorry guys.

why am i apologising?
okay taking it back now.

LOL (by "hw" i mean going to read my book)

...the end?

you know, i started this blog last year. around about WYD time. because ineeded somewhere i could just write whatever i thought. and it worked. well, for about a month or two. then i stopped writing in it. because, well...because i really didn't need it anymore. life was all good. and happy. and still on a massive high from WYD. and so it died for a while.
then earlier this year, i decided to revive it. because the need for somehwere to vent emotions arose again. and this time it's been going strongly for about....well for a while now. i'd say for almost 4 months? writing massive amounts about amazingly weird thoughts. some were angry, some were insanely happy. and now i'm slowing down again. no wa it. I"M not slowing down. my BLOG is. why? because the need to write isn't as s trong as it used to be. hence i'm only writing rubbish (well, my last 2 or so posts were all just random danielle-type JUNK). so i thought i'd give you guys a bit of reasoning behind my...ridiculously hilarous posts. it's because my mind jsut isn't as crowded with thoughts anymore. well, yes it is. it always WILL be. it's just that those thoughts are not ones that need to be written. sooooo yeah.
no it is NOT the end of my blog. i will keep writing in it, i swear. i will not kill my blog like andy has. or weetyr. yeah weetyr. BEAT THAT. you haven't written anything for aaaaaaaaages. anything besides song lyrics >__> oh and btw MUSICAL IS NOT AN EXCUSE!
it's okay. it really IS okay. because this blog shall live ON! (aahaha how corny =)) i'll just write whenever i need to. but no, i won't just abandon you readers and leave you hanging for the next crazy thought i have. life is good again. better than ever.
and no, i won't stop reading blogs. so keep writing dani =) and matt =)....and weetyr =).....START writing, andy..
but yeah. hw calls :D and so does the immigration museum. for my PP. aaaaah so much work to dooooo!!!
more later. i promise =)

did you know?

wendybird!
wendybird?
yeah WENDYBIRD!!
SHOOT THE WENDYBIRD!!
*bang bang bang*
*AAAAAAHHH!!*
*wooosh*
oh pETER! YOU SAVED MY LIFE!!

AAHAHA yeah i'm going through a bit of a peter pan phase atm
"oh peter! you saved my life!"
aaahahahaha LOL

oh yeah did you know
that if you tap marshmallows lightly against a table
they make this nice
pleasant
tap tap tap funky sound!
like
you wouldn't expect it from a MARSHMALLOW
like
i dind't know they had it in them!
but they make the awesomest sound when you tap them against a table
it's hilarous =)
yeah i'm eating marshmallows atm
and it's hilarous :D
because i dropped one and it made a funky sound
then i did it again
and again
and again
then just started tapping the table with the marshmallow
and YEAH
decided to share with you all

gosh. this sounds like a typical danielle post
O_O
yeah this is what musical is doing to me
*bang*

WENDYBIRD!

continuity

yeah.
that's what life is lacking atm
continuity
as soon as i start to think that eveyrthing's settled and well and good
IT"S NOT!
because something suddenly happens that causes whatever stability i have developed to come crashing down.

see, i always thought that friends are forever
i still believe in that
but...just not the old friends, right?
it seems to me that all those friendships that i have formed over the years have slowly either depleted and completley died away, or have turned evil...
because that's life, baby
that is life.
time flies by an dpeople change. hence you have those depleting frienships; because p eople change. personalities change wildly and the person you made friends with is completley diffeent to the person with whom you're trying to remain friends.
same thing with love
sometimes the person you think you love is compeltley different to the person with whom you fell in love. this is what causes relationships to die.
as the friends thing does to friendships.

family.
family is something that i can always rely on.i mean, for the past 14 years, i've bene having these family parties, every now and then.
and lately i've just realised that it's the same deal at each and every one of them. the same people come, the same things happen
but it never ever ever gets boring!
and i t's great because you get to see how people are changing as htey grow up.
i mean, it's been a while since i realised how old my little relatives really are! and i swear, every time we have a party our family is that much bigger
and more lively
and
and
!
yeah, i t's just the same thing every time and i'm not complaining. i'm commenting on the continuity that i can rely on when it comes to my family. beacuse huot is family now. even if he and catherine dont eventually ge tma rried, well. he'll always be part of us :D
beacuse of all that time that he has spent with us. mind you, if he breaks her heart he'll have the whole family after him
aaahaaa that'd be funny =)

church. continuity with church. aha so i thought. but then peter. stupid boy. he bursted my bubble and started talking about how our church isn't doing too well. i mean, once this current generation is gone, the church's future=0!
well let's not go into that atm.
but yeah he was doing a survey for someone about the VCC and he was telling me about it.
and i was thinking about it.
but yeah

see how my life lacks continuity?
i can always count on music, though
because as long as there is so und, there can be music
and i can always count on books
because as long as the re are words, there can be books

so there IS SOOOOOOME continuity. even if that ltitle tiny bit is teeeeny tiny


*if you believe you must be big in order to be tough. then you should get to know me i'll teach you other stuff!*

musicalmusicalmusical

so i'll be out for all of next week at the SENIOR CAMPUSSS!!!
because of MUSICAAAL
yeah it's production week next week
and i'm going to be DEAD tired
freaking run throughs alll day for the whole week
not t omention having to spend all that extra time with ms nicolle and mr m..
FUN
=)
nah that was mean
i take it back, guys
well i'm going ot be debating for the year 9 team on tuesday
because they need someone to fill in for them
and originally i was meant to be doing 2 speaker for them
but then dama told their 3rd speaker to swap with me
that was fine with me
and fine with her (marina) because she has had no debating experience whatsoever
then again, neither has samantha or the other girl. well, the other girl lucy has done ONE debate
but that's it
and their last debate didnt' go too well
and did you know that originally they had about 10-15 people on their TEAM?!
YEAH I KNOW!!
now they're down to 3...
well we s tarted with 7 and now we're also down to 4. but jeni's like permanent chairperson/timekeeper cause she usually can't spare enough time to do an actual speech. which is finew ith us because she's a really really big help with arguments and prep before the actual debate. so it's all GOOD!
my gosh. this is the crappest blog ever
i must say.
shit ass.
stupid
stupid
yeah guys i'm quite uninspired atm
aaaah so much hw =) i guess i ought to go study now.
maybe i'll think of somehting ingenius and write about that
like andy's blue speech =)
for those who haven't heard his blue speech. ask him :D

Some things are best kept secret

A polite society
where everybody apologises for little things
where people lie to make others happy
where people keep secrets to avoid hurting somebody

that's our society
we ARE a polite society by those standards
we're certainly much more polite than the society of america, for instance. they don't apologise for every little thing!
and that part about lying to make others happy?
well, don't you agree?
i mean, when have you told a simple white lie to make someone happy about themselves?
when you've told somebody that you like their shoes, when really, they're the most hideous things in the world!
yeah. that's what i'm talking about when i mention these white lies told to make someone happy

the last thing?
oh yeah, keeping a secret to make someone happy
this is because some things ARE best kept quiet
sometimes the best idea is to keep someone ignorant of something
because if they happen to find out
they'll get hurt
badly hurt
they'll go and feel guilty and cry and cry and cry and cry.
or they'll go do something stupid like kill themselves because they think that they've just gone and hurt you. and you told them that they did.
great work, you
what i mean is, well maybe sometimes if somebody doesn't know something. and it really woudln't make a difference to their lives if they didn't know about it, then maybe you shouldn't tell them?
because all that it would achieve is causing that hurt that you initially avoided by NOT telling them.
but then BECAUSE you told them, they were hurt. and you don't even realise because you think that you're telling the truth and revealing the truth after hiding behind that white lie for so long.
so, weigh things up before you decide whether to reveal, or keep quiet
because sometimes
some things are just best kept secret.
some secrets are simply not meant to be broadcasted for the world to have access to. because you may end up causing more harm than you intended to by revealing a truth.
because, as chain reactions go, more and more people will find out, and the person you've revealed the secret to gets even more hurt b ceause everybody is either feeling sorry for them, or offering to bash you up for saying the things you did. when really, all you meant to do was tell the truth.
maybe reveal a truth...privately? sure, the person might want to know, but they woudln't know what they're getting themselves into, now would they? so... the best idea would be to either tell them in private, or not tell them at all.

i'm sorry that life's so twisted and confusing.
it's okay, we all fall for these potholes that are lining our paths

I WANT TO GO TO ADELAIDE TO GET SCHOLARSHIP

[b]a.[/b] says:
are you going to harvard? -_-

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
yep

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
.

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
on full scholarship

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
.

[b]a.[/b] says:
....are you bullshitting?

[b]a.[/b] says:
O_O

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
no..?

[b]a.[/b] says:
HOLY SHIT

[b]a.[/b] says:
HARVARD?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
why would i?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
yeah

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
yep

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
see?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
knew you'd be impressed

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
on FULL shcolarship!

[b]a.[/b] says:
holy shit

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
can you b elive it?

[b]a.[/b] says:
OMG howd you get it?

[b]a.[/b] says:
WTH

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
well

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
they did

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
this

[b]a.[/b] says:
FULL SCHOLARSHIP

[b]a.[/b] says:
O_O

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
entrance exam thing at my school

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
like

[b]a.[/b] says:
yeah,

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
it was kinda

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
promoting it thing

[b]a.[/b] says:
yeahm,

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
and they were giving aw a ysome small scholarship

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
to like

[b]a.[/b] says:
wow....you adelaidians have something we dont

[b]a.[/b] says:
O_O

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
hgihest achievers

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
and

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
yeaaaaah

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
=D

[b]a.[/b] says:
ROFL

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
your little cousin did it

[b]a.[/b] says:
I WANT TO GO TO ADELAIDE TO GET SCHOLARSHIP

[b]a.[/b] says:
thats bullshit!

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says
:aaaaaaaahahaha LOL

[b]a.[/b] says:
D: WHY YOUR SCHOOL

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
because we're an international school

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
because we're renowned all over the world?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
=D

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
but yeah

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
hmm

[b]a.[/b] says:
fuck

[b]a.[/b] says:
==" our school

[b]a.[/b] says:
is like a shitHOLE

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
yeah i know

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
ii know

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
oh HEY

[b]a.[/b] says:
its bullshit!

[b]a.[/b] says:
but yeah

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
ANTHONY GUESS WHAT

[b]a.[/b] says:
congrats

[b]a.[/b] says:
yeah/

[b]a.[/b] says:
?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
GUESS WHAAAAAT?

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
your'e the first person to fall for it

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
and i'm surprised that it actually worked

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
.

[b]a.[/b] says:
oh...

[b]a.[/b] says:
my..

[b]a.[/b] says:
god..

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
because i didn't mean to fool anyone

[b]a.[/b] says:
YOU BITCH

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
i just LIKE the way those words sound

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
beacuse

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
i read them in a book

[b]a.[/b] says:
YOURE A STUPID BITCH!

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
and was like WOW

[b]a.[/b] says:
LMAO

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
so i decided to put i tup there

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
and

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
AAHAHAHAHA

[b]a.[/b] says:
WOW im so gulliable!~

[b]a.[/b] says:
LMAO

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
SO CLEARLY i'm not the only one

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
YES YOU ARE

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
OMGSH LOL!!

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
when you wer elike

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
RELASLY?

[b]a.[/b] says:
>_> EAT SHIT

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
AAHAHAHAHAHA

Awesome =) Harvard. On full scholarship. says:
GAAHH KILLING SELF WITH LAUGHTER

[b]a.[/b] says:
== EAT SHIT

[b]a.[/b] says:
LMAO

~ yeah i love my cousin =) the noob of the family

he lives in melbourne, btw =) AAHAHAHAHAHA

i didn't meeeean tooo!

aminor^7

LOL.
that is all i can say.
laughing out loud.
GAAHAHAHAHA =)
dani..it's AMMINORR
cause we all love aminors =)
especially for their raised 7ths =P

peter came up with it
andy agreed with it
dani just added to it

what is this?

Harvard. On full scholarship.

i'd love to be able to say that.
or something like
The Norwood Morialta High School. On FULL scholarship.
or
International Baccalaureate. On full scholarhip. TO SENIOR YEARS!
aha. yeah yeah keep dreaming
i know
but i read that in a Jodi Picoult book and it just caught my eye because it's so...WOW
like, if i said that to you, or something like
Adelaide University. Bachelor of Psychology. On full scholarship. (btw i don't know if that'd work...)
you'd be like WOW
or or
if you said to me
UniSA. Bachelor of Medicine. On full scholarship.
i'd be like WOW
see?
see how those few words "On full scholarship", paired with the name of a presitgious school or uni or college can make the listener immediately admire you and go WOW?
that's just awesome..
btw i'd like to go to COOlleege (american accent =D)
in england
or boarding school in england
just hope i don't come back snobby like in wild child :D
btw that's a really good movie, that one =)
ahh my dreams. chances of them coming true aren't very high, but i can dream, can't i?
woudln't mind going on a long-term exchange like that if i get to go to college in england. or america =)
although england is so totally a first preferance
no offence to any all americans out there
but yes. i aim high. i always do.
hmmm

oh btw this is for matt:
sink or swim.
well i choooooose SWIIIM!!! only cause i can =)

ms neale

aha LOL
well for all of you who were there this morning in the library when that lady came to talk to us, you would know what im talking about. you know...matt, andy, katrina, weetyr
forgive me if i forgot someone =)
but yeah
ms neale was saying how it's great to be able to read because it can be an escape
when you're feeling all stressed and uptight, you sit down and read. it relaxes you and it pushes most of your troubles away.
but then, they're always there waiting for you to deal with them when you're back in the real world. but the point is that you get those few minutes (hours) when you feel light and carefree; when you can escape into another world.
basically the ambassador lady for the premier's reading challenge (we were like the only year 10s among a bunch of year 8s) w as saying that reading is good for these reasons:
-opens up a whole new world (i was so tempted to start singing there)
-improves vocab/knowledge
-provides an escape
all too true, guys
tis all too true.
well last night i had a ton of hw to do because i hadn't been doing work for about 3 nights in a row...
and i HAD to finish my jodi picoult book "Harvesting the Heart" becausei wanted to know how it all ended and because it's a really addictive book
so i thought, okay i'll read for about 10 mins, then practice piano, then clarinet, then HOMEWORK!
so i sat down to read
...
but 10 mins turned into and hour
>__>
then i went OMGSH ONLY HAVE AN HOUR LEFT TIL BEDTIME!
so i prioritised and did hw first
ie. my Science of the Mind poster. which was due today. so i spent like 2 hours on that. got into bed an hour after bedtime...the reason it took so longw as beacuse i got a bit sidetracked whilst getting coloured pencils. i went on msn. BIG MISTAKE!
anyway so i finisehd that
died
then woke up this morning
and remembered music test
oh well
then
then
I REMEMBERED THAT MS GALIPO WAS GIVING US THE LESSON TO FINISH POSTERS >__>
i felt so dumb.

but yes that's my story
moral of that long-winded story:
never underestimate how good a book is. oh and don't set yourself time limits when reading. like, don't force yourself to read within a time frame. cause it kills you when you realise that 10 mins has turned into 3 hours...=)

ms hannay

so she said something kind of inspriing today
yeah i know
never thought you'd see the day when i would ta ke something from her
WELL I DID
today
she was saying how when i speed up i trip up
well she was talking about my piano-ing
but i was thinknig about somehting else
i was thinking about my life
you know, life
like
LIFE in general
and it's true
because when you try to speed things up. you trip. over. and fall. and crahs and burn. and when youget back up, you have to start slow again. but yes, eventually you DO end up speeding up. stupid ms hannay >__>
well yes i just thought that i'd put that there
because...it's true!
you speed up, you try to get more things done faster. and you end up tripping
because it's just not natural to be doing things at that speed, in that..BULK SIZE!
so why do people (ie me) keep going it?
because we think that if we're able to do things that much fas ter, we'd please more people and get more things done within the time span of our lives.
well, that's how i see it
dunno about other burner-outers but that's how I see it.
because...well that's just how i see it. i have no more because-s

wow. writing about stuff ms hannay says
O_O"
startling much?
what has this world come to?

traitor

so we debated against eyensbury last night
and we won =)
and GUESS WHO WAS ON THEIR TEAM?
AMY ROWE!
YEAAH HER!!
yeah the one who left our school to go to eyensbury
and to debate on their team
but it's okay bcause i think their team was a bi t green
we won by 3 whole points
for you noobs who dont' know, in debating, 3 points is mASSIVE. like. MA SSIVE. it's about the same a s 3 goals in soccer. yeah that's right. even i know that that's quite a big gap. so we WON. ahaha they came up with some awesomely (cough) hilarous rebuttals. shall fill you in in person. i can do an awesome imitation of them. ask me when you next see me =)
but yeah
they did well. they kind of wer e able to rebut us. just not too well.
but yeah
we WON =)
winning streak still going
and WHOOOOO DOUBTED USSSS??? *glare at andy*

achievement for the year

yeah that's right.
i SHOWERED AT SCHOOL
BEAT THAT!!
yeah that's right.
i.
showered.
at.
school.
yeah naked. duh >__>
how else do you shower?
yes i showered NAKED at SCHOOL
beat. that.
yeah stupid cycling class. hate that lady.
all sweaty and icky-feeling.
so what do you do?
YOU GO HAVE A SHOWER!
where can you shower when away from home...?
AT SCHOOOL!!
yeah ashleigh showered with me
no wait
she didn't shower WITH me
she showered at the same time as me
in the cubicle NEXT to me
because she was the only other person in the WHOLE DAMN CLASS who had the guts to shower
cause everyone else would rather be all yucky for the whole day than ruin their stupid straightened hair.
so in your face
i felt NICE for the WHOLE DAY
WHILE YOU WERE ALL UNCOMFORTABLE AND ICKY!
it was so worth it
and i would so do it again
bring it =)

the better link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPH3EmYTTTI
this is a clearer ver sion
except the first version has lyrics
oh well =)

beauty

i saw beauty today
it was so touching
it was the truth
it was sad, happy, funny...so true
so incredibly true
mother's day presentation by tn
it was so touching
it was so touching
i nearly cried
i only didn't cry because i know how long it takes for me to look "normal" after crying". yeah according to peter it takes me AGES to look normal again.
anyway

not only was it set to a beautiful song, sung by beautiful people with BEAUTIFUL harmonies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14aqxjJlDDw
it was beautiful
the whole scenery

first image:
mother with baby and little child walks out. her two older kids run up to her and hug her.

second image:
school-age child. mother lets go for the first time, lets him go to school!

third image:
mother chasing teenage boy around. yelling and screaming at him. he is angry and throws off his khan quang. he leaves his mother. she's left broken. he returns to her...

fourth image:
trung (aaha) interstate. calling mother on the phone, vows to leave his career and come home to his mother.

all the while, the candle people dancing around everyone. circling mother and child. protecting them. showing the pain of the mother. showing the distance between the mother and child.

i loved it
i can't describe any more of it. you had to be there
and pe ter's speech
='(

"on mothers' day today, do you have anything you want to share with your mum? a meal with something yummy for her to eat? a surprise present with something that she will treasure and love forever?"

ima cry now.
happy mothers' day =)

don't tell me to calm down!

don't. just don't. okay? just. don't.
sometimes you have to let people say what they have to say
without reminding them to shut up
maybe
it helps
if you jsut shut up and listen
listen.
it's all about listening and responding
so says mr dama
so shut up and just lis ten
and dnot' tell me to calm down!!
i will calm down when i'm ready. okay?

time passes and people change

there was a time. long ago. when i worked hard to please other people. i worked really hard at everything, whether it was swimming, or viet or just SCHOOL. i did it for my parents. i did it to please my teachers. i did it to set a good example for my brothers. i did it to defy my cousins who looked way down on me.
but something changed. somewhere around the middle of year 9. when i realised that it was completley pointless to be working so hard for other people. why? because what difference does it make to them if i fail? what difference does it make to them if i become the most successful person in the world? NONE. that's right boys and girls, the answer is NONE.
my parents stopped ca ring about my schoolwork. they just assumed that i would be alwasy doing well. aha. how wrong people can be. well, i stopped working for THEM because they stopped caring whenever i did somehting right. whenever i did really really well for a maths test or something. they'd jsut ask..were you the top of hte class? well NO. ...not good enough yen. try ahrder next time. and you know wath? it's really really frustrating when it seems as though NOTHING that you do is good enough for people. clearly i wasn't good enough for them.
teachers? well i have no idea why i did this but i used to be nice ot eachers. because they would be nice back. WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG! absolutely incorrect. sorry honey but you FAILED aGAIN. why? because that is a very common misconception. you treat teachers nicely they still treat you like shit. you be nice and smile at them and the vast majority of them will go on to pick on your bad points. take mr. clements for example. i try to be nice to him. i try to be polite to him. evne though i'm seething inside. and you know what i get back? i get a load of CRAP in return. he gives me shit. for everything. it's as if this thing called RESPECT is a one way road. aha. yeah you thought WRONG. WRONG. because they're older. because they've seen more of life. OH YEAH? well maybe you've LIVED longer, but do you live at the SPEED thta we do? have you experienced that RUSH of intensity at which life flashes by for us? have you ever overworked yourself because you have to keep up with this LIFE. this CONSTANT fight for peace. this constant fight for LIFE. you can't stay alive in this world, these days withouth being able to conquer this whole...speed change thing. another personw ould be mr z. TIMES HAVE CHANGED GUYS! times have changed. you can't keep the old ways forever. the old ways of this stupid peking system. it's called mistreatment. it's called inequality. it's called ASIANS ARE HUMANS TOO! GIRLS ARE HUMANS TOO! you stupid racist. sexist people out there in the world.
who else? oh yeah. my stupid family who looked down on me. why? becaues they thought that i was...i don't even know. i don't even know. it's so stupid because they all used to think that i was sthis stuck up li ttle girl. they ha ted me. they still do! well the vast majority of them. no wait. just the three of them. aahaa for the firs ttime in...years, lan chi actually came up to me and talked to me on sunday! that's like..that is a leap. a bound. for her it is. she's never really cared about me.a nd whenever i had achieved something, she'd be all "OH YEAH WELL DONE!" kind of hting. but with a sarcastic air about her. with that look of contempt that means i hate you yen i love all my other BOY cousins so much more bceause...well i never found out why. i don't particularly care anymore. because why? because screw her. her and her sisters. i mean i dont' evne know why they're so..they look down on me so much. they don't treat vien nam phong phi like they treat me. maybe because i'm a girl. but that's stupid becaus THEY"RE girls too. so i don't see the logic in this at all. none whatsoever. i used to want to work really really hard to prove to them that i'm not nothing. but it's just not worth it anymore
nowadays i work hard for me. for my own future, for my own dreams. i work hard because I want to. not because i want other people to like me becaus ei'm smart. no i work for me. and when i fail. i know WHY i fail. i may bitch about stupid teachers and stuff, but deep down i do know why i do it wrong. i know that i do it all wrong because of ME. i t's my fault. i'm the only one i can blame and that's what i do. i work harder next time. and make the right choices. in my book, for what i want to achieve, a C is just not good enough. in fact, it's shit. okay danielle? you think you've got it hard? put yourself into my shoes for a moment, honey. p lease do. just th ink about it for ONE second. i dont' want to be up myself (although all my blogs seem that way) but dani youv'e got it easy. your life is a freaking picnic compared to mine. IB are not going to be impressed with a fucking C. for science! FOR SCIENCE! for science. okay so it's only ONE piece of work. but it just happens to be the ONE piece that i'm sending FUCKING OVERSEAS! of all the pi eces of work i could have stuffed up. it had to be this one. it HAD to be this one. why? because i hate real world science. i hate this shit about electricity and TECHNOLOGY. i can't even work a freaking computer properly. and you expect me to LOVE learning about them?! i would prefer a pencil pen paper BOOK to a freaking fast "awesome" new fast internet connectsion ANY DAY. A N Y FUCKING DAY. no matter how fas t i need to work, no matter how NEAT i need it to be. i'd do it by hand. a ny day. overseas. sending. shit. work. not good enough yen. *smacks head* wake up babe. wake. up. this is for YOU. i'm fighting for YOU now babe. wake up and work with me.
....i'm going to get this guys. give me some time. and i WILL screw IB over. i will.

the power of the written word

The Book Thief talks a lot about the power of words
bcause it's words that pretty much carries out the story (well..DUH)
okay please disregard the above statement
you'll get what imean once you've read the book...*hint hint*
but don't you agree?
i mean, without words, we are powerless. without a way of expressing what we really think
and feel
so why do people take it for granted?
i mean, i, for one, talk a lot.
but there are people out there who have words at their disposal, but they choose not to use them
even worse, there are people who are simply just seen and not heard. because people around them lack that empathy...and...mercy to listen to them. there are people who think that they're on top of the world, because maybe they have more words. because they abuse and misuse words. and they choose not to listen to those who are trying to make use of their own power.
so words are power..right?
not necessarily.
if you know how to choose the right words, when and where ot use them, then you can be powerful. but only if and when you know how to use them
a person who just raves on about...crap would not be all that powerful, even if htey talk a LOT
then again, a person who talks "nicely" but at the pain of others...that's even worse
the best personw ould be someone who knows how to use words. not to manipulate others, but to speak their mind. at the right times.

oh how i wish i could be like that.
i wish i had the ability to not only speak in public, but speak in the most appropriate way in public. and convey the messages that i would like to.
there are so many things to be said
so many words to write
and i would say them. i would write them. but who's going ot listen? who's going to readwhat i write?
what use is the power of the words if i
a) don't know how to use them
or
b) don't get heard by those i would like to listen.

you can listen. but do you hear?
can you pick out the words of pain, the expressions of struggle amongst the rest of the "cheerful" person's words?
i'm sure you can't
becaus eyou don't understand words
beacuse you can't listen out for the right words, in the right context
i can only dream to be taht great with words
i can only dream.

how many of us can truthfully say that we listen and HEAR what the words are screaming out at us?
not many...
so, my message is this:
don't take advantage of your power. just because you can talk doesn't mean that you shoudl abuse that ability. keep an ear open for those in pain. listen. hear. help. reach out to those who are in need of support. don't ever deem anything unimportant, because one day it'll catch up to you.

it's true.
so i'm working on this; working on my words.
working towards...well towarsd being able to use the right words. at the right times.
and maybe not talk as much. because it seems selfish that i'm here talkingSO much while there are people out there in the world whose words are not being heard at all. hence (for all those who remember) i did my silent protest last yaer.
that was hell.
it was painful.
and i don't think it had a big enough impact.
hmmm ima th inking about this one now.
maybe.

but please don't abuse your power. you ahve the power to speak and write what you feel. you have the power of the free words. don't abuse it

misleading

i find the term "frozen yoghurt" rat her misleading
beacuse i really doubt that the yummy cold stuff that i'm eating atm is frozen YOGHURT
i mean
for all i know it could just be normal ice cream
but the box says that it's "frozen yoghurt"
which i really do'nt htink that's what it is
because i've frozen yoghurt before.
iv'e stuck yoghurt in the freezer
and it turns out nothing like this
this stuff is like
soft and creamy like ice cream
and real frozen yoghurt
is...
hard.
and s olid
and ...fun to eat =)
this stuff is just really soft
and squishy
soo could someone please tell me?
like
how do they make it this squishy?
or is it simply just NOT yoghurt at all?
and htey're false-advertising?

100th!

yeah this is number 100.
how sad
i've posted 100 blogs
and that is really sad
60+ of them being in the last 2 months
which just shows how great i am at NOT procrastinating
clearly i'm just so...
procrastinating
and yeah..
but lately i just haven't had enough time to be blogging as often as i have been for the past couple of months. i guess the work is finally catching up to me
but good news, guys!
i'mactually doing MATHS work during maths lessons!
yeah an di have been since the beginning of this term because i realied that there are actually a lot of things that i don't understand because i don't really pay attention in maths
although, i still do homework during maths if i really have to
but i've learnt form weetyr to not skip too many maths lessons
or your grades will suffer. badly. so yeah
sorry to use you as an example, weetyr, but you HAVE been missing a lot of lessons, and i can imagine how much stuff you just dont' understna.d because i've been going to lessons and paying attention an di've realised how much i really would have missed if i hadn't gone to the lessons

phew.
well i did have a thought to write about
but it kinda went missing. which is really stupid because all i remember about it is that it was as really brilliant thought.
but yeah guys, read THE BOOK THIEF by Markus Zusak
it's one of THE best books in the world. and i'm not exaggerating. it's like
...it's not the fastest read in the world, but that's best it is full of..bits.
like
it's juicy. it's full of informatin that you need to slow down to absorb
btw "juicy" is a shit-ass word to use. for want of a better word!
you have to read it slowly to savour every bit of it
that's how good it is
it's like
when i'm reading it
i'm thinking....i wish i could remember this sentence
or "i wish i could remember everything this girl says"
why? because then i could use it in future reference
but, as humans go, you just can't remember that many things
no amtter how inspiring they are to you.
you just can't
human brain DOES have the capacity.
human memory does not.
well it does.
just that it will only be committed to long-term memory through rehearsal
and i dont'think i'd have the time...to rehearse every single line that i woud like to retain in my memory.
i dont' think i'd even remember all of them to rehearse!
well that was a stupid ramble-on about nothing too important
but yes. DO read the book thief
...it's beautiful =)
it's about a girtl
who falls in love with books
like..she accidentally learns how to read (this is set during Nazi Germany) and she discovers a love for books
and she basically just devours them all
but she has to ...
alright
fine i'll stoop
just read the damn book
=)
yea a pretty crap 100th blog.
sorry guys.
brain overflowed with schoolwork atm
will work on it
oh
tip for today
(and most likely for a while. cause i really LIKE this tip)
keep your chin up
n omatter what
smile
show that you ahve strength to deal withwhateer life throws at you
it's not life that's shit
it's the way you deal with life that's shit
so stick it =)
remember: chin UP

Olympic speech

You are my opponent, but not my enemy, for your resistance gives me strength. Your will gives me courage. Your spirit ennobles me. And, although I aim to defeat you, should I succeed, I will not humiliate you, instead I will honour you..For without you, I am a lesser man.

sorry guys.
uninpsired =(

change of URL

well, this question was asked by many back when...well back when i had first changed my URL
and i didn't really give a proper answer
so i thought that i ought to answer it soone ror later
it just happens to be a bit later...
anyway

so it went from gia-yenlovesyou
to...forevergia-yen
why?
well because gia-yenlovesyou is a TAD misleading to people who i dont' even know who read my blogs
or those who i may not ac utally LOVE but are reading my blogs anyway because i am such an awesome writer =)

well anyways
the reason it is now FOREVERgia-yen
is be cause no matter what
i will always be me
no matter who comes aslong and tries to change me with whatever
i will always be me
although the world will change
i will strive to remain me
for ever

did that make any sense at all?
because it makes sense in my head
and it seemed fairly reasonable at the time
because i was thinking about how people change
things change
friendships change
so i thought that if I didn't chang etoo much then maybe the world won't change as much?
i dunnno
dont' ask again please
that's the best answer i can try to give you

ch-ch-ch-challenge

it's hard.
in fact, it's a lot harder than i thought
or expected
you know, when i said to myself
im going to be just like jamie sullivan
and not care about what people think
what do you know
well, i think i was doing pretty well today
cause, well yeah i didn't do anything specifically for people to see me better
well, not that i am conscious of
and i resisted the urge to give in at the SRC meeting because i know that if i keep going against the grain i'm going to be hated
so..i don't really know what i ought to do
ebcause yet again this is another challenge
this is another challenge of my life
and i'm going to fight it
right?
well so why is it suddenly so hard?
because there are so many poeple agaisnt me
and there are so many things that i know that i WANT to do
but can't find the courage to do so
it's a chchcchhchchchCHALLENGE
dam nright
there are SO many things
that i want to do
the things that i wa nt to say to people
i plan everything out in my head
but i just can' t bring myself to do so
because yet a gain
i'm thinking about what people will say to me
what people will say ABOUT me
and i know that i'm trying to be like jamie sullivan =)
and not care about what htey say
but i just CAN"T
well
i can
i'm doing well
i think
but there are too many times in a day when i regret NOT asying something, or NOT doing something because i was scared of what people will say
and think
but
why
WHY can i not do it?
it's just anothe rblood mountain
that's all
that is ALL
so why can't i climb this one?
far out.
i guess that all i can do right now
is put one foot in front of the other
and
live to the full
so i don't go home every day regretting something
yeah yeah
i know
i KNOW
i've been meaning to live like this for so long
soo
why can't i DO IT?
freaking hell.
ugh i think i'm hating myself for being so weak
but i'm not going to say that
because it's so...self..KILLING
idunno if that's how to say it
but it's like killing my own self esteem
i'm working on it
i need to get on top of my game
seriously
i need to play it the best way possible
on TOP of my game
my goal for this term: get back on top of my game
mastermind how i'm going to achieve everything thati want to.
that's a LOT of things that i want to achieve at the moment

mandy moore said that

"A smile is so sexy, yet so warm. When someone genuinely smiles at you, it's the greatest feeling in the world." quoted in Woman's World (12-6-2005)

yep =)
so true

another, the taglines for "A Walk to Remember":

Love is like the wind. You cannot see it but you can always feel it.

Find out who you are and do it on purpose.

It all comes down to who's by your side.

She didn't belong. She was misunderstood. And she would change him forever.

Take a risk. Dare to move. Love is a leap of faith.

There's more to attraction than meets the eye.

THE INVITATION by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesnt' interest me what you do for a living.
i want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow. If you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayel and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, 'Yes.'

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. i want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments


Beautiful. Truly beautifully inspiring. YENspiring ;)

when i grow up i wanna be just like jamie sullivan =)

jamie sullivan
i love her.
seriously..if you don't know who she is...go and read someone else's blog and STAY AW AY FROM MINE! nah..just google her =)

anyway
so i wanna be like her
why? because she does NOT care wha tpeopel thinka bout her
and what people say about her
she does not give a c rap
she goes about life
doing what she wants
but helping others
she thinks so much about others that she doesnt' care what people think and how she looks, even
because she loves to omuch
she has way too much love
but why do I wana be like HER?
mainly because she does not care
she does not care about what others think of her, and what others will DO to her
because she has her faith
she has her love
she has her family, no matter how small
she may not have many friends, but sometimes, one true friend is better than lots of shallow fickle people. and that one true friend is enough
she is so GOOD
she just puts her love out whereve it is needed, REGARDLESS of where that place is
or WHO needs it
she reaches out to those in need, especially when others can't or won't
she..is so perfect in her own way
and you all know how much i HATE it when the word PERFECT is placed in the same sentence as someone's name
but this is the one instant where it is true

i wanna be like her
because i want to be able to depend completely on my faith
you know the thing called the..leap of faith?
yeah i wanna take that leap
i want to be able to just jump and know that God's there for me

i want to be like her because i want to NOT care about what other people think of me
i know everyone says that
everyone says "i don't give a c rap about what people think"
okay, who says that the most? hmm
so far, i think that it's Peter
okay, yes it IS peter
he is constnatly saying that he doesnt care what people think
and so am i
i thikn it SO often
whenever i get hurt
whenever i feel insecure
i say to myself
chin up yen. fuck them. who cares what they think. because you are your own rock. depend on your self
i'm posticive that everyone thinks along those lines when they're frustrated and insecure
but think about it
if you didn't care about what people think, why are you trying so hard to impress them?
i must admit
that i try RELALY REALLY hard to impress people
especially in the field of edcuation
ui want people to see
to KNOW that i can be great
i want them to see my potential (however little) and want to take me out and then nurture my skills until i become the person i apsire to be
i want to impress people with my intelligence
but then i know
that it all comes down to how I see myself
but then why do i keep working so hard?
yeah even this whole conquerin IB thing goes against my whole concept of not caring about what people think
why ? because iti's HUMAN INSTINCT to follow the crowd. yeah i know what you're thinking: "no wonder it's always been so easy to be a sheep and so hard to break away form the c rowd"
yeah so it's normal to wantto be a sheep
but the way i see it, and the way that Jamie Sullivan sees it
is that it's w eak to follow the crowd
be your own person
you don't need to follow the crowd to be a great, successful person
you dont have to follow the stereotype to be rich
come on, seriously i HATE the asian stereotype of becominga doctor or a pharmacist. or whatever. just because "my parents want me to"
well, okay. sure its good that you're considering what your parents think, but okay in the end it comes down to YOU. it'sYOUR life so why be a sheep and follow the stereotpye? i know why. because it's easy. because you kwno your'e smart because you got a high TER because you're aaasian. okay that's racist, but it's how people will think. trust me. i know a guy. Thien. he's asian. he's smart. he's doing med. i don't mean to say that he's a sheep because i KNOW that he's doing med because he WANT S to. not because he's asian. not because his parents said so. although they may have told him that they would LIKE him to do med (i'm acutally nots ure of any of this..) the main rea son that he's donig it is because he WANTS to. see the difference?
and yes there DEFINITELY is a difference

between being a sheep
and being your own self and not caring what people think
yes i know you say it to yoursefl all of the time
but i also know, wihtout needing to KNOW you, that you sitll do it
because it's HUMAN INSTINCT like i said before
that's why we girls go out there
and buy push-up bras
or really really tight-fitting t-shirts
and skinny jeans
because it's the fashion
because it makes you look aesthetically pleasing
it makes you FEEL (!??!) good.
because you care about what people think
that's why you do it
sorry, but it's the truth girls
true it's the fashion
true everyone else is wea ring it
BUT BY SAYING THAT YOU ARE BEING A SHEEP!
okay i do it too
yes i do own skinny jeans
and yes i like them =)

but one of these days i would like to be able to get up and wears something
wihtout thinking about hwo i would look in it
and wihtouth thinking about how good people would think i look because of what i'm wearing
and i would like to go out
wihtout caring \way too much about my hair

i would like to be able to say truthfully
"I don't care about what people think"

because on that monumental day
that
....
that
WONDERFUL day
that
....
MOMENTUS day
in the HISTORY of my life

i will finally have conqured the pressures of s ociety
i will have finally risen above the sheep
and be my oiwn person

be strong. because one day, if you have faith, love and hope hten you will get there

soon hopefully =) so i can live the rest of my life like that
but i know that
yes im' trying
i AM
i'm trying to NOT care about what people think
but..it's hard
it is hard because it is defying nature
going against the g rain

why else do i wanan be like jamie sullivan?
i want to shamelessly help those in need
wihtout thinking of myself
i want to be completely selfless when it comes to other people (well DUH when it comes to otehr people..hwo could i be selfless when it's about ME?! omg that was so stupid >__>)
i want to help people
and i know that i wil get there one day right?
hmm but yeah
after jamie sullivan?
man even if i did all i could
even if i helped in every way imaginable,
the chances of even MATCHING jamie sullivan are incredibly...incredibly slim
forget surpassing her =)

another thing?
yeah she has such unwavering faith
i'm working on my faith too
what cha said today about being witnesses
that made me think a LOT
a LOT about jamie sullivan too
today in church i was thinking about how GOOD it felt to be back there.
back at my second home
i was only away at camp and missed mass there for...one weekend
and already it was like...wow. it felt like i had been away for an eternity
you can imagine what i'd be like after spending 2 weeks in japan!
i spend so much time at church
that after only one weekenjd away from it
i miss it so badly
maybe that's a good thing?
hhmm
i'm sure that others feel this wa ytoo
and threy' just ashamed of it
dont' be, guys
be proud of who you are, and what you love...and WHO you love =)

i'd risk looking like a fool for love =)

you should too

okay that wascompletley off the topic, but i just thought of it as i was typing

but yes. hopefully
one of these days i will be like Jamie Sullivan
but for now, i can only dream
and have faith
and work hard

Faith Hope Love

but i'm teeny tiny!

okay, so this is one of the few times in which i tell a s tory in my blog
because to me, a blog really shoudln't be like a journal where you record everything that happens and then write all of your thoughts and feelings about it
because NO
well, not MY blog anyways
MY blog is just thoughts that i have
so if you're curious about my life?
deal with it.

anyways
so my littlest brother was asking me to go with him out to the car to get something
and i asked him why he had asked ME to do it because i was busy blogging
and he said "because mum said to get someone big!"
and then is aid "but i'm not big...i'm teeny tiny!"
and he said "yo uARE big!"

and it went on like that for a few minutes
when i finally gave in and went out to the car with him
my point here is that just because i see myeslf as teeny tiny (which iam, physically)
my brother doesnt!
he still sees me as this huge iconic figure in his life (LOL to anyone who was in mr dama's english class las t year? yeah "My Left Foot" the mother is the *booming voice* ICONIC figure)
i dunno i just wante dt oshare
about how i thought
well
THINK
...KNOW
that people will see you different, depending on who they are, what they are in your life, and what role YOU play in THEIR life
so yeah most of the randoms i see would think me as the little asian midget they see on the street
friends would think me as a friend =)
my admirers (pssh yeah what admirers LOL) would see me as a hero
my brothers look up to me as their iconic figure ...and big bitchy sister =)
all you who aspire to blog like me think me a genius for writing such weird wacky thoughts
aaah i'm putting myself in such great light here =)
but yeah, it works for everybody =)

oh i have another story about my little brother
someone told him that he is asian which he IS
and he said
"I'm not ASIAN! I"M JUST A NORMAL KID!"
and i was thikning
oh my goodness me. where did i go wrong with this borhter of mine?
he's ashamed of being asian? WHAT IS THIS?!
so then i thuoght about how
well, okay he's too young to realise that being asian and being a normal kid isn't something that you can...compare because asians are normal people
you who think otherwise can go shoot yourselves..you racist pigs.
but yes.
he's just so young and innocent, that he doesnt' realise that you can be BOTH!
because i'm both =)
well..i'm asian..and a "normal" kid =)
i'll let you be the judge of that
but yeah.

i love my brothers :D

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

read this book, guys
i love it
why?
yes it's a brilliant story
yes it tells of the troubles of someone else, so it takes your mind of yours
but the reason that this book stands out among others (the MANY others i have read)
is because it makes you think
and it has those little sentences that inspir eyou
no matter who you are, no matter what the sentence is, they seem to have a way of inspiring you and mkaing you think
this is why is LOVE markus zusak
because he chooses his words so carefully and adequately
i could only ever drea mabuot being able to do so
you want an example?
yeah i thought so =)

here you are:

page 92
"all of this resulted in at least some form or contentment and would soon be built up to approach the concept of Being Happy."

it just shows how important the Being Happy is. i mean, just by capitalising those words, he puts across the message that it is something important, and something that should be...i dunno respected. like...it's something that should be worked towards, because it's such a great concept.
i dunno, i was just so...lifted up by this sentence, maybe because it seems to me that there ARE people out there who have to work towards Being Happy. seems to me that the world is not some freakishly weird (omg i'm using andy's words..O_O) place where everyone is perfectly happy with everything. or where everyone is pathetically derpessed.

another:

page 93
"She was a girl with a mountain to climb."

and she was damn right determined to do so!
yeah that's my kinda girl
in a way, every single one of us have a mountain to climb. some, if not all, have various mountains to climb. maybe noone else thinks of them like i do, but eveyron has them. think abuot it. every challenge that you face in life, is likea mountain.
and maybe those little challenges are little teeny tiny hills =)
but those big massive challenges that you must face in life (maybe life itself could be counted as a mountain) are those mountains of which i speak.
my biggest moutain at the moment woul dhave to be the IB
i'm going to kill them
and that's the mountain that i am determined to overcome
i'm climbing that one
with all my strenght
because i have a goal
and that goal is going to be reached
no matter what

get the idea?
so now, you think about your life
and all the moutains that you have in YOUR life; all of the challenges that you are opposed with either in the long run, or just something that's happened or been happening in the past few days. or something that's coming up.
then think about how you could defeat them
how you can overcome them
because no matter what, you have to keep fighting.
=)

it's a nice philosophical thought to be pondering...
i like philosophical thoughts...

Let it be

"Let it be, let it be whisper words of wisdom let it be"

yes guys. let it be
LET IT BE
sometimes when something is going on, when something is wrong with somoene
maybe it's best just to LET IT BE?
okay, yeah things do get better once you talka bout thema nd release your feelings and thoguhts (hence, people have blogs..journals...FRIENDS)
but once in a while there's a stage in life when you just feel like noone can help you
and maybe that is true
depends on the person
depends on what that person knows about you
and depends on what the situation is
sometimes you just don't feel like sharing the situation, and it seems a lot better just to not let others worry about your problems
because they'll go away right?
yeah soemtimes they do
sometimes they don't
so soemtimes you've gotta let them out
but it doesnt' mean that your friend is the best person to tell it to
tell it to God
if it's somehting you can't tell
tell it to the nature that's all aruond you
i mean, it's not like that tree is going to turn around and backstab you now, is it?
okay oi don't mean to go up to a t ree and start talking to it
more like, spend some time in a park or something
somehwere where you find peace
like for me i'd go to a library and just sit amongst the books because i know that somehwere in those stacks, on those shelves, there is a btter world. in fact, i know that in that one room, there are a million different worlds into which i can espcae, simply by picking up a book and opening the cover.

but my point here is this:
if someone d oesn't want to tell
let it be
dont' keep bugging them because that act itself may to you seem like it's a show of care, but to them it'd just annoy them and they'd hate you for it
dont' make inferences
don't keep puishing the topic
move ON
because if they know that they can deal with it, then they will
otherwise, if they didn't know that they could deal with it, they'd tell you, right?

so yeah guys
let it be
you should be smart enough (or instinctive enough) to tell when a subject should be p ushed or not. 'kay?

I like walking in the rain...

because noone can see my tears

well that is a very depressing quote
but it's very true. it's so true, in fact, that i thought of it today whilst riding
BIKE riding =)
at church
and i was thinking
wow, i like riding in the rain
no. 1 i LIKE getting wet from the rain...it just makes you feel so refreshed and clean. it cleans you up physically and spiritually. like, it makes you happy cause you feel better and soo...clean =)
no. 2 well, yes you cant see tears on a person's face while they're walking/riding in the rain

no no i wasn't crying
i was just thinking about it because it was raining and we were riding in the rain
which was actually pretty darn awesome =) even htuogh it was all muddy and stuff
and while i was riding i was thinking to myself

wow yen it's time you started exercising more and putting those TANK muscles into use AND burning off some kiljoules

aaahah then i thought

well i wonder if thinking burns up kilojoules..
because if it DOES then..dude i'd be..
so..
underweight

wow can you imagine that? that would be so awesome to be able to burn energy by thinking

but anyways
i just wanted to say
that yes, i do like walking in the rain
becaus eyou can't see my tears
same with showers
best place to cry=)
but no, i'm not going to go on about this because i really have no reason to atm
i'm too happy with life
i think =)

piano

well for some reasons
these days my piano and i are inseparable. yeah that's right. i had to give up being with my PIANO to go to andy's house on thursday night. yeah see guys? see how much i sacrafice for you guys? HUH?
well yeah. umm yeah my point is that for SOME unknown reason, i find myself sitting and playing for hours on end at random times during the day. it's as if every single time i walk past the piano my brain says "dude. go sit and play." ye ah cause for SOME reason i'm compelled to play. and it's even made me late for things heaps of times because it's right outside m yroom so every time i walk out or into my room i see it there. and i'm drawn to it
okay so this is a weird post
but there IS a reason
right, so i was playing
and i was thikning (because i'm such an awesome player that i can play and think at the same time..eeww you sick minded child. what were YOU thinking?) LOL
and i was thinking about how life...life is like playing the piano
there are so many keys (88..i think) and the chances of hitting the wrong key is higher than hitting the right key
and then you've gotta get into the mode of all the timing and rhythm and stuff as well, at the same time working on the pitch and hitting the RIGHT note
well! yeah it sounds hard but after practice you've pretty much got it down pat
that's what life is like
i mean, the chances of you doing something wrong, making the wrong choices and stuffing up your life are a lot higher than being able to make the right decisions every single time!
how true is that?!
but then again, it comes with practice
sooo once you've gone down the same path a few times, played the same song, gotten some experince, then it becomes easier every time. so you learn to be able to do these things with your eyes closed.
hey hey guys! i can play the pianow ith my eyes closed =) don't believe me? well i'll show you one day.
LOL but yeah
once you get good enoug, and you've gained enough experience, you can do these things with your ryes closed.
like, make some of the simpler and more frequently encountered decisions easily and with minimal thought.
but yeah. that was a sc rewed up thought
i dunno what's up with me lately
i'm too relaxed =) i don't htink enough interesting thoughts LOL
probably cause i just DON"T think as much during the holidays
but anyways
my hair
is in
awesome pigtails
no no not PIGTAILS
htey're like
bouncing bunches
in the AIR bouncing
like
they're DEFYING GRAVITY!
it's awesome
and they jump when i walk
=)
i like this..makes me look heaps younger
and yeah =)
AAHAHAHA okay i'm sow eird O_O
but yeah i''ll wear my hair like this on the first day of school
and take it down if i get too many weird looks
but LOL yeah
school in lke 2 days guys =(
back to the good (cough) old stressful school life
me hearties
oh and another thing
last month i posted 36 (!!!!) blogs
and this month this one is only my 27th..woner if i could break that record?
nah i'm not gonna try and fill this up wtih shitty random CRAP just cause i wanna up my numbers
we'll see if i have as many...weird awes ome interesting thoughts any more this month
whcih i'm sure iw ill
because next saturday i have the public speaking comp. the first hEAT and i have so much more on this coming week
on top of school, that is
and OMGSH GUYS DEBATING TEAM?! WE NEED TO START WORKING ON OUR DEBATE BCAUSE IT"S COMING UP!!!
well yeah=)
more later i suppose

realisations

hey hey

has anyone else realised that today is the last day of our holidays?
like WHAT THE HELL?!
yeah man. where did our holidays go? i mean this was a crap holiday cause SOME PEOPLE weren't even HOME in the first week, so we co udln't do anything...and now it's just too late

did anyone else realise that the breast cancer gig is in...like 4 days? i t's neXT TUESDAY and WHOA what the hell right? ccause well, i personally think that we're not all too well prepared but it's okay because bring it. we can take you. we NMHS musos can take ON THE WORLD. so you wanna go? huh? huh? HUH? WELL BRING IT CAUSE WE CAN TAKE IT !
=) sorry. a bit overboard. teeehee

oh and one of my posts down there...
says that i was going ot elaborate on some thiknnigs i had
well i'msorry guys but yeah..those trains of thought kinda c rashed into trees. and died. so i really don't remember what i had thought about those...
but sorry.

um
i'm apologising a lot.
oh hey did you know that aussies are well known for apologising a LOT?
well i never realised it, but then when i thought about it, it's TRUE! i mean, we say "sorry" for every little thing, but noone goes "hey you shoudlnt be sorry" because well..it's like NORMAL now
wow that was weird =)

sorry guys this is a really shitty post
my brain just hasn't been worknig a t all, so technically i haven' thad any thoughts that are worth recording.
soryr

ima go ehcek the weather forecast now =)

the aftermath

yeah the aftermath is me being sick.
along with heaps of other people , but still
i'm sick.
and i hate it
can' thtink atm
sorry =(

L'amour

aaah TN concert 2008
L'amour
loved it
i just wanted to say
whoever came up with the idea of throwing L'amour hearts into the lua thieng on sunday night was brilliant. simply brilliant. i almost cried cause it was so meaningful and touching =)
throwing our L'amour love into the lua thieng, to mang lua ve tim.
sigh.
simply brilliant.
L'amour to all
i'll never forget that...never

1 hour, 21 minutes away

one hour and twenty-one minutes away from home. Yet, there, i felt more at home than i usually do here in radelaide. why? possibly because of the people who i am constantly arounda ll of the time when i was on camp? maybe because of the awes ome atmosphere, and the ground (LOL) beneath our feet (and occasionally beneath our bodies...our kneess...our hands...LOL)
but no matter why, i was so totally at home when at camp wi th my beloveds. seriously. it's the best feeling in the world, knowing that you are able to say anything at anytime and no matter how stupid or...absurd it is, all they can do is laugh. it's like a dream world. i love it sooo much. because with my thieu nhi people, i fit in completley. seamlessly. we walk around together, we can talk to anyone. and you know what? i thought it unlikely, but thanks to this camp, i have made new friends (with those i've known my whole life), strengthened my relationships with family members, done countless stupid things, taken a shower at 5 am, lived for 4 days without technology, slept in a tent with a million creepy crawlies, spent 15 mins spraying aeroguard nonstop, sat in front of a campfire with those i love, played uno using the light of a few glowsticks, had julian make me and nhu cry, laughed so hard i was unable to breathe, gone through major highs, and lows, realisd that eating lollies is more e ffective than panadol, kicked ass in tro choi lon, solved so many mat thu, eaten the first roast in my life, and much much more.
well what was tn camp?
well, more like, what is tn camp to me?
it is:
trust
it's all about building up trust with your group members, trust in the leaders. we took a few trust walks in the dark with blindfolds and were led all around the campsite, over, under, even through obstacles with no way of knowing what they were. the only means of protection that we had were the somewhat comforting voices of the leaders who stayed by our sides.
competition
competition to be the best between the groups. okay so my group, Rosa, won the co danh du TWICE SO UP YOURS. and we only didn't win it the 2nd day becauise...because i have no idea why. i mean we totally kicked ass in tro choi lon. seriously. they kept pushing us back, peter even made up a station to steal lollies off of us and to slow us down (keo duoc san xuat o ben israel) but we came ba ck every single time. back on top again. except for the stupid dinner station. i mean, for some reason this year, they made everyone stop at dinner and start again and we got let out first, but the thing is stupid tue was HIDING his station...hate him >__>
making friends
wow, i got to know so many more people so much better this camp. i mean, i know it happens at every single camp ,an di know that i t's normal and all because camp brings out the best and the worst in everyone, but i still can't get over how close i've become to the following people in particular: my team, Rosa, being Ngoc, Michael (especially thanks to our boat experience), Nhi, Michelle, Huy, Teresa, Tam An, Thao, Bang, Ngan. and so many more. seriously, i've just made sooo many more friends. oh and especailly Martin. LOL martin =) anyways yeah. it's just so amazing how all it takes is a few days of camping and doing the most ridiculous things in front of each other to become such good friends. because you know, when the whole doan is doing stupid things, you don't have to worry, or rather, you SHOULDN"T worry about how stupid you look. for two reas ons: 1, it's Thieu Nhi guys. get over it and de al with it, all for one and one for all. 2. everyone else looks stupid too.
learning
of course we learnt heaps, like every other year, and that has really paid off in the tro choi lon. of course =)
gaining respect
i gained a LOT of respect from people at camp this year. like Loc, he..well he said to me on the first day, "You. You better win this tro choi lon for your group. I'm expecting you to." Then on saturday, he kept on saying how brilliant our group is. because we kept getting pushed back, but kept on gettin gback on top. wow you should have heard his voice when i figured out the maths one, w ith the recurring patterns and stuff. oh and how it took us onlye about 3 minutes to work out the cube one, whereas other groups were completely lost. wow man. so awesome. and we conquered station after station and all the HTs were just so impresssed because we were able to talk our way out of eve rything. just too good. and i will never forget that feeling of satisfaction when the HTs are leaning over our group while we're solving mat thus, and they say, wow you guys have got it =) and then you just feel so good about yourself and so proud of your group because you've done it. and in record time, too, i might add =) and all those HTs who said to us, "wow, this group is in the lead again. wow you guys are awesome. brilliant. just amazing"
yep
oh and that feeling of...well, of just knowing that i have a place of my own in the Xu Doan Teresa, when Nhi and Michelle and Ngoc were going around (well those are the ones i heard..dunno abuot anyone else in my group) saying things like "wow, yen's got it covered. seriously she's soo good. every time we got a mat thu she just opened it, looked at it for a second and then had worked it out!"
and then there were the DBTs and HTs talking amongst themselves.
oh and i seriously will NEVER forget when we were solving the very first mat thu, the powers one. and i had it figured out after looking at it for a minute. and then i said I GOT IT! and then Loc was standing over the group and he said "this is a GOOD key. it's a really good mat thu" and then i was like YES and then eveyrone else helped me solve the rest of it, cause we then knew how it worked. and then Loc said "yep this group's figured it out" and then somenoe asked him "What have you figured out?" and then Loc said "we've figured out that this girl is mai chi and lan chi combined but better"
and i was like
wow.
in case yo udidnt' know
that is the greatest compliment i could ever get. serioulsy. for starters mai chi is the bomb at everything. she's incredibly smart. knows her tn stuff really well. she's just like chi huong. and lan chi is the maths girl. wow them combined is like the super girl. the wonder woman. the TN guru. but to be BETTER than them COMBINED? that's more than i could ever ask for
well, it hink that elated me for the whole of camp, and most likely the rest of the tn days; knowing that my skills not only match the combined knowledge of mai chi AND lan chi, but knowing that people see my skills as better than them. well that's it. i guess i know what i should be capable of, i mean, look at lan chi. and look at mai chi. if i'm them combined w ell, who knows how high i can go. maybe even higher. hope for me.
anyway
what else is ca mp?
camp is being compeltely stupid in front of everyone
and not caring
camp is talking in mixed viet and english and knowing that eveyrone understands you
camp is talking in perfect synchronisation with someone else, in both viet and english mixed into the same sentence, with the exact same words in each la nguage. wow that was awe s ome
camp is playing games where eveyrone gets humiliated
camp is being scared by peter and his stupid bang band game
camp is the thrill you get when you've won something for your team
camp is utter humiliation
camp is suffereing, it's hy sinh
camp is singing across tents with phong's tent; belting out lame old songs until othe rpeople come out and check our tent because they thought we were out in the middle of the tent circle singing. we were that loud =)
camp is getting completely soaked on the last day by EVERYONE
camp is awesome.
i love it.
but as always, good things must come to an end.
"Man dem buong loi theo anh lua gian tan
Tinh anh em ta theo anh lua tran lan
Tim ta day con khac ghi bao nhieu moi tinh man nong
Lua dem nay tan nhung lua tim con chay am tham ngan doi
Biet ly muon phuong ta nguyen dem lua thieng rai rac khap chon
Mong mai sau ngon lua thieng chay len dot long moi nguoi."
i love that song
and i purposely stood next to those i love because of the son'gs meaning
also that song is just so..beautiful
it's perfect for what we feel at that time of camp, when everything is coming to an end
when we take a moment and think about all we've achieved, and all that we've conquered. all of the obstacles we've overcome and all those people we've made friends with. it's thinking about the love going around in that circle, and knowing that no matter what, we'll always be friends. forever. as long as there is TN in this world, there will always be that long lasting friendship that is formed wherever tn goes. we were singing that song about a half hour before van left. van came back guys =) well, because van came back, she had to leave. i guess all good things really do have to come to an end. it was an awesome week and a half with you, van. and it was an even awesomer camp.
there is so much left to say
there is so much more that i could tell you all about TN
and the emotions that everyone gets, the feeling of belonging that yo uget when you know that you're in for good
they're just so indescribable
i've only barely scraped the surface of all i have to say.
i just wanted to say
that although we were so far from home
we were all at home in our hearts
what, with each other, and God
we're complete at camp
it's just so enlightening (okay, bad word) but it's just so GOOD
i dunno how else i can sayit
but it was thanks to this camp that i realised how much more at home i am when i'm with my TN friends. no offence toanyone. but i never really realised how compeltely happy i am when with TN people, talking in two languages at once, talking ABOUT the randomest things. oh and doing the stupidest thing s in the world. and and and
sigh
i wish i could have recorded every single moment of that camp; of all the past camps, record every little emotion i feel, every thought i have about the camp, abuot the people around me. and es pecially record every single moment i have with each person. sometimes i just need to glance around the dining room to catch the eyes of all those i love. and we share that moment. and i just wish so much that i could engrave all of those moments into my heart. into my heart and into my head. never to be forgotten. but alas, we must forget. be caus e we are human. but i don't wan t those memories to go awa y too soon
....and to think that i ever thought that i was never fully happy. seriously man. camp needs to be longer. much much longer.
this year, just when we were getting used to the shit on the ground, just when the ground was getting clean from us kicking it all aw ay , just when the smell was completely gone and just when we were all settled and happy, camp ended. oh well. it'll come back next year, right? =)
for all those who didn't go: you missed out on way too much. maybe it wasn' tthe best camp, but i choose not the judge how good a camp is. why? well, because every single camp has its good points and its bad points. but yes, it was awesome. that's all yo une ed to know. and you missed out on it. longwood was awesome too. old woodhosue was aweso m e too (my group won! WOOT)
for all those who went: i'm glad i was able to share that experience with you. i'm glad that you undersatnd the lame jokes we make about camp (just like wyd people) (LOL THIEN DO AAHAHAHAHAHAHA) i'm glad you went to camp. next year for sure =)